Page 334

Page 334




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Guest
20th Apr 2017, 2:39 AM

Well, who didn't see that coming?

That said, with all of the high leadership in the city in on the treason, only plot armor will save those kids now, as normally they'd all be quietly dumped in a ditch somewhere with their throats cut.

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Guest
20th Apr 2017, 4:29 AM

Well, TBH I didn't see that coming, because I got lost on the plot of this story many dozens of pages back. It's possibly just me though.

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Steve O
20th Apr 2017, 8:02 AM

I go back and re-read the whole thing when Dizz has to take time off. You're right, it's very complex. You need a program to tell who's plotting against who.

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thing 1
20th Apr 2017, 12:18 PM

it's not just you.

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DizzasterJuice
20th Apr 2017, 9:46 PM

This isn't complicated. Nylah is the only one plotting anything, and she's recruited one of the council members to help her.

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Steve O
21st Apr 2017, 9:49 AM

It's not this coupe is complicated, it's that fact that there are typically 3 or 4 of these sub plots going on at the same time all over the continent.

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DizzasterJuice
21st Apr 2017, 11:52 AM

Okay, I understand what you mean.

For the sake of this discussion, I'll try to compare to Game of Thrones because it's another story without a central protagonist that follows several stories at once. GoT follows about 8 to 9 main stories at once all over Westeros. Sometimes they join up like with Jon and Sansa for instance. And most people have no problem following them all. So my question is, what am I doing wrong if I lose everyone with half as many?

I know it's all about pace but I think it gets boring if I try a slower pace and if I go faster I lose someone.

I'm open for suggestions.

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Steve O
21st Apr 2017, 1:25 PM

I think you're doing great. I very much enjoy the dept of the story you're weaving. The fact that characters know and reference a history that we don't know shows the kind of depth that Tolkien pioneered.

The only suggestion I can make is that on scenes like the bottom frame of page 327 you might insert a box that says "previously". I recognized Liam and Hochi in their cat forms, but everyone might not have.

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DizzasterJuice
21st Apr 2017, 1:53 PM

Okay I guess that is confusing because it is not "previously" and it is not Liam and Hochi, but you're not really supposed to know until page 337 though. I think that's the problem with having a lot of cats that all look the same. I probably should have added a very distinctive feature to the key character's cat forms.

I'll try to put myself as the reader and clarify things better in the future. Thanks for the info.

Edit: I went back and added notes to 327 so the reader can understand that those are the trackers that Tyranos ordered him to send on the previous page.

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Steve O
21st Apr 2017, 4:44 PM

Thanks, that clarified it a lot.

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Gilrandir
21st Apr 2017, 4:56 PM

I am trepid about offering suggestions because I enjoy the strip as it is. I know you have a lot of things on your plate and it is a very rare suggestion that says "In order to make this already-very-good-thing even better ... do less work." ^_^

But, since you did ask sincerely, I will respond in the same spirit.

One of the things I think you need to keep in mind is the difference in medium between Offworld:The Crease and Game Of Thrones. In GoT, to tell five minutes of story takes ... five minutes. To tell the same amount of story in O:tC may take 6-8 pages, which is between 2 weeks and 2 months. So, they can jump cut more rapidly between threads and rely on their audience to have a good memory for more complicated details and which character is who, aligned with which faction(s). You said you didn't include a "previously...", but maybe you should consider including something like that a little more often. A little text, a link to the previous relevant pages, ... something to cater to people when the scene jumps are taking place. Not so much for ordinary narrative flow, of course. And, of course less so with the characters revisited more often, that people are more likely to keep track of, but more for the side stories and less seen characters.

Anyway, hope that helps.

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DizzasterJuice
21st Apr 2017, 6:46 PM

That does help. Thank you very much.

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Cal
21st Apr 2017, 12:09 AM

Yup.
http://imgur.com/ZD6w2

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DizzasterJuice
21st Apr 2017, 6:51 PM

Predictable, true, but there's something else going on here that's not.

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plotting

Jan
21st Apr 2017, 3:43 PM

I love your complex story but I think she was stupid to put this three in a cell, they are too smart to stay there for long hehe

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DizzasterJuice
21st Apr 2017, 6:48 PM

Maybe she doesn't trust that Nylah's plan will succeed, in which case she's covering her ass.

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zanquis
23rd Apr 2017, 2:59 PM

By the way she plays it:
if the coup succeeds, she has them killed, she is problem free.
If the coup fails, she has the 3 that can testify she kept them safe.

Anyway regarding pace like they said, it is not always easy to keep track of things.
What could help is: tag all characters on the page (if identified). This enables people to keep better track of who is who. Also it can be used to search back pages obased on Characters. For instance at many online comics I follow you filter all pages with a character. This helps if a story arc has been abandoned a while. Readers could actually read the comic from just that characters point of view probably.

And if all things fails, nudity and sex always gets everyone's attention..

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DizzasterJuice
23rd Apr 2017, 3:56 PM

That's a great idea about the tags. I'll do that as soon as I have the time.

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Ankh

NytCrawlr
29th Apr 2017, 11:32 PM

:)
I have that same ankh tattooed on my shoulder!

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